Menopause. Apparently, I’m Just Supposed to Deal With It.
Four weeks ago, I made an appointment with a new GP.
A female GP.
Not because I had anything against my regular doctor being male, but because I wanted to talk about women’s business. And quite frankly, I wanted to speak to someone who might actually understand what I was going through.
I’d previously raised menopause with my regular GP, and his response was something along the lines of, “Well, you’re a woman, you’re at that age, so it’s probably menopause.”
And while he didn’t actually say the words, the expression on his face left me feeling like the rest of that sentence was…
Deal with it.
So apparently, that’s it?
I’m a woman. I’m 50. My hormones are doing whatever they please, I’m exhausted, I’m not sleeping properly, I’m having hot flushes, my moods are all over the place, my shoulder is giving me grief, and I’m supposed to just accept that this is what happens?
No, thank you.
For years, I’d assumed hormone replacement therapy (HRT) wasn’t an option for me because of my history of bowel cancer.
In my mind, cancer and hormones simply didn’t mix.
But the more I researched, the more I realised that perhaps I’d been ruling something out without fully understanding it.
I learned that the concerns around HRT are particularly significant for certain hormone-sensitive cancers, such as breast cancer, and that having had bowel cancer didn’t automatically mean HRT was off the table for me.
Well, that changed things!
I found myself a female GP with a particular interest in women’s health and booked an appointment.
And what a difference it made to feel heard.
Within a week of meeting her, I was walking out of her office with referrals for a mammogram, cervical screening, blood tests and urine tests.
I got them all done in approximately eight days.
And just two weeks after my first appointment, I walked out of that same surgery with a prescription in my hand and hope in my heart.
Hope.
Hope that perhaps I might finally start feeling better.
Hope that I might sleep through the night without getting up to wee.
Hope that the hot flushes might settle down.
Hope that my frozen shoulder might ease, even just a little.
Hope that my moods might improve.
Hope that I might wake up one morning feeling refreshed instead of wondering how on earth I’m supposed to get through another day when I’m already exhausted before it’s even begun.
Nothing extraordinary.
Just wanting to feel comfortable in my own body again.
Well, I’m now nine days into HRT.
And let me tell you, it’s been interesting.
Of those nine nights, I’ve had ONE full night’s sleep.
One!
My shoulder is still painful, although I have noticed that my joints don’t feel quite as tight as they did.
The hot flushes? Good grief.
Some days they’re less frequent, but on other days, and particularly during the night, they’re more intense than ever.
My appetite has increased.
I’m tired. Not just a little tired. I’m talking about the kind of tired where you feel like you could sleep standing up, yet somehow, when it’s actually time to sleep, your body has other plans.
And emotionally?
Well, that’s a whole other story.
I can be going about my day feeling perfectly fine, and then suddenly I’m fighting back tears over a TikTok video about a dog.
And it’s not really about the dog.
It’s like my emotions are sitting just beneath the surface, waiting for the smallest thing to bring them spilling out.
Some days I feel sad without knowing why. Other days I’m irritable, overwhelmed or just emotionally exhausted. Things that wouldn’t normally bother me suddenly feel enormous.
And that’s the part I find particularly difficult. Not always understanding what I’m feeling or why I’m feeling it.
Because I’m still me. I still have the same responsibilities, the same life, the same things to manage. But some days I feel like I’m navigating all of it with an emotional capacity that’s already running on empty.
And when you’re physically exhausted from not sleeping, everything feels that little bit harder.
I’m not just waiting for the hot flushes to stop.
I’m waiting to feel like myself again.
I’ve been reading that some women experience an adjustment period when starting HRT, and that it can take around three months to properly assess how well treatment is working.
Three months!
I’m nine days in and already looking at the calendar.
I know there’s no magic wand. I know our bodies are complicated and that what works beautifully for one woman might not work the same way for another.
But I am hopeful.
I’m also tired.
Very, very tired.
And if reincarnation is a thing, I’m seriously contemplating returning as a male next time around.
Because between periods, pregnancy, childbirth, menopause and everything else our bodies put us through, I reckon I’ve done my fair share of womanhood!
But there’s something else I’ve been thinking about throughout this experience.
How grateful I am that women are finally talking about menopause.
Not whispering about it.
Not pretending everything is fine.
Not brushing it off as something we just have to endure because we’re getting older.
Actually talking about it.
The hot flushes. The sleepless nights. The anxiety. The mood changes. The exhaustion. The changes to our bodies. The things that make us feel like we’re losing little pieces of ourselves.
And the frustration of sometimes not being taken seriously.
I wonder how many women before us suffered in silence because nobody talked about these things.
How many thought they were simply getting old, becoming difficult, losing their minds or just not coping with life?
How many were told, directly or indirectly, to just deal with it?
I’m grateful that information is more accessible now, that women are sharing their experiences, and that there are health professionals who genuinely want to help us navigate this stage of life.
I’m also learning that we need to advocate for ourselves.
If something doesn’t feel right, ask questions.
If you don’t feel heard, find someone who will listen.
And if you’re struggling, talk about it.
Because the more we share these experiences, the more we realise we’re not alone.
I’m only nine days into this journey, so I can’t tell you whether HRT is going to be the answer for me.
I certainly hope it is.
What I can tell you is that I don’t want to spend the next chapter of my life simply putting up with feeling miserable because I’m a woman of a certain age.
I’ve got too much living left to do.
And life is already challenging enough without having to navigate all of this in silence.
So here’s to the women going through menopause, the women approaching it, and the women who’ve already come out the other side.
Let’s keep talking.
Let’s keep sharing.
And let’s stop accepting that feeling miserable is simply the price we pay for getting older.
Because surely, after everything our bodies have carried us through, we deserve to feel good in them too.
Patty x
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