The Patty project

What I was going to wear and what I wore.

Ten years ago I was a women’s size 24.

This time last year, I was a comfy 18-20.

This week, I purchased a size 14 dress from Target and still had room to move (and breathe).

I had an outfit planned for this weekend’s event, but when I went to try it on, it was too big.

I wouldn’t say I like last-minute shopping for outfits (having been plus-sized most of my life, I know that leaving clothes shopping to the last minute can leave me in tears), so I panicked when the planned outfit was a no-go.

I wanted to look nice, but I didn’t want to spend much because of the upcoming trip. I also expected to have few choices.

My first choice was to go to the City Chic outlet, and as you can see, I went with the old trusty plus-size cover-up: baggy pants and a top that covers the arms. I felt fat and frumpy, so I didn’t buy anything during this shopping trip.

I went home and had a bit of a sook, so Eli encouraged me to go to Westfields to look around.

Target was my third choice, and I thought, why not? I picked up a few different items, and when I tried them all on Eli and I both agreed on the dress.

I had never worn something like this, and I was extremely self-conscious, but I also felt good.

I spent most of the night covered up, but for the photos, I’d unwrap myself from the shawl I was wearing, put on a big brave smile, and pose like I had it all together.

This may not seem like a big deal to some, but to me, it was.

My vulnerabilities were at surface level, and as the party progressed, so did my discomfort.

One of my ‘other children’ pulled me close to her and whispered in my ear, ‘You look so good.’

Those four words lifted me up and helped me get through the rest of the evening (thank you).

I never expected losing weight and having my appearance change to impact my self-esteem and mind in the way it has.

I feel good, but at the same time, I still feel like the past versions of Patty continue to be present. All my insecurities, vulnerabilities and the names I was called and tormented with are still floating around in my thoughts, and it has been hard to release them.

This coming month will bring on more changes and after reflecting on how wearing a smaller, nice, fitting strapless dress has impacted me I think I may benefit taking time throughout the coming months to work on my mindset and learning how to release the old to make room for the ‘new’.

Yes, shits getting real and in six days time my life will change (once again) .

#wegotthis #thepattyproject #weightlossjourney #transformation #keepingitreal #countdown #pattysjourney #target #CityChic