The Patty project

I had a lovely day yesterday. I woke up on the Central Coast at my friend’s house; the back of her house overlooks the water, and there are pelicans and wildlife that are amazing to observe.

We spent time talking, laughing and catching up.

We then went to a psychic fair at Mingara; I got a very accurate reading, purchased some candles and a book, had some interesting conversations, enjoyed lunch at a sushi restaurant and then headed home.

On the 1 hour drive, I had to stop and get out of the car because I couldn’t get comfortable; whilst I’m no longer constipated or feeling severe jaw or shoulder pain, I have internal pain around my abdomen to bottom that I cannot pinpoint.

This pain can and does become unbearable, and I do believe that it is something lingering from the bowel cancer. However, blood tests indicate there are no current cancer markers or concern for cancer; there definitely is something else happening that is causing such discomfort and pain.

Once at home, I lay on the floor, stretched out on my yoga mat to rest. Eli suggested we go out for dinner to catch up and debrief about our separate weekends.

We decided to walk instead of drive, which was a great idea because I hadn’t worked out or done much physical activity in two days.

At dinner, I can barely sit; it hurts too much. I leave Eli to eat alone whilst I pace outside; sitting hurts, but standing and walking don’t as much.

We walk home, and when home, I’m back on the yoga mat on the floor with lavender oil, my little tens apparatus, and I’ve taken half a diazepam to help calm me.

The pain isn’t getting better, so I have a hot shower, take the other half of the diazepam and retreat to my bed.

I can’t get comfortable, and I can barely move; I send a message on our family messenger app asking for a wheat bag to be warmed up and brought to me, as well as two paracetamol tablets, and I cry myself to sleep.

Unfortunately, this has become the norm for me; this version of Patty is so different from the one you see in the photo posted here.

I am not acting, pretending or faking it in my photos, but I am trying to continue living life because life is to be lived, right?

I have lived with discomfort for what seems like a lifetime, and chronic pain has been highly apparent for the good part of approximately eight months.

I follow all the professional’s opinions, yet it has not improved.

Next week, I have an appointment with a Gastroenterologist, and although I’m nervous about the intrusive procedures I’m sure will be done, I am also looking forward to finding out what’s going on inside this body of mine.

I just woke up and feel calmer; I’m sure that’s got a lot to do with the diazepam.

I’ll now shower and get ready for work and the week ahead.

I hope that today will be a little better than yesterday.