The Patty project

We met at the gym about a month ago. Instantly, I could tell he was friendly and outgoing, radiating energy and charisma. One thing I noticed, though, was his tendency to get up close when he spoke.

Of course, it’s natural to lean in in a noisy gym for better conversation, right?

A week later, we bumped into each other again, and he approached me with a warm greeting. The gym was quiet, with no classes or crowds, yet he still stood in close proximity.

Holding back a chuckle, I couldn’t help but be reminded of that classic episode from the 90’s sitcom Seinfeld, where Jerry and Elaine introduce Aaron, the close-talker, to Seinfeld’s parents, who don’t mind the invasion of personal space.

I hadn’t intended to address the close-talking situation, but when the next encounter arrived, his energy was electric, and I couldn’t contain my laughter as I blurted out, “You’re a face talker!”.

Confused, he had no idea what I meant. With all possible kindness, I explained that his enthusiasm while speaking often led to him being nose-to-nose with the person in front of him.

His initial surprise quickly turned into laughter. We chatted for a while and then went our separate ways. In our subsequent meetings, I noticed a change.

He was making a conscious effort to not be in my face but over-emphasising it jokingly by tilting his neck in an exaggerated way backward during our conversations. It seemed uncomfortable, but it was also amusing.

Curiosity got the best of me, and the next time I saw him at the gym I approached him to ensure that my directness hadn’t offended him or crossed any boundaries.

To my relief, he laughed and reassured me that my straightforwardness had provided him valuable insight. As someone who works closely with people one-on-one, he had started to observe that his clients would actually lean backward during their interactions like I had during our first couple of interactions.

This newfound awareness prompted him to adjust his communication style, for which he expressed gratitude. While I was apologising once again for my directness, I also shared with him that my straightforward approach can sometimes unintentionally offend people.

I explained that this happens because my ADHD sometimes takes over, causing my mouth to speak before my brain can fully process what’s going on.

He appreciated the insight and understood that I never intended to offend.

Now, whenever we see each other at the gym, we greet each other warmly and share jokes. He even offers me advice from time to time.

The other day, I showed him the Seinfeld episode about the “Close-Talker” (not “Face-Talker”), and we shared a good laugh together.

Seeing how a ‘lighthearted’ conversation can lead to self-reflection and positive changes is amusing and interesting. I’m grateful that our gym friendship has grown through humour and open communication.