The Patty project

It has been 2 weeks since I’ve changed my ADHD meds and it’s not been great.

My Psychiatrist and I agreed to try new meds because of ongoing pain and discomfort in my jaw. The clenching was becoming too apparent and I realised this when I saw a photo of myself with my tongue doing something strange under my top lip that was causing an unsightly bulge in my mouth.

Once I saw that photo I started noticing what I was doing and how often I was doing it and then figured out that I was subconsciously trying to make myself comfortable without even realising.

Since meeting my Psych in December of 2022, I have seen him every three months for a review. In March he recommended that we change meds but I went against his recommendations because I was only just starting to see the positive outcomes and I felt like I was finally getting to a good place even though the side effects were getting worse.

At this most recent appointment in June, I shared that I was considering getting off the meds completely because of how much my mouth and jaw were hurting but didn’t want to because my brain feels like it was finally getting to a good place.

The recommendation was to try a new tablet for three weeks then touch base and if that one’s not working then we’d try another.

The trial and error part of this ‘experiment’ gives me anxiety.

My stress levels rise just thinking about going from ‘Yay, I can achieve, I’m not dumb, you go girl’ to ‘OMG we’re back here again’.

It’s week two. I started on half a tablet in the morning and half a tablet at midday.

The jaw clenching was less apparent.

Yay!

Week two, one full tablet in the morning and one full tablet at midday.

By the evening my jaw is uncomfortable and I find myself chewing on gum, sucking on lozenges and even wearing my splint (that is for when I’m sleeping) to try and ease the discomfort.

The discomfort has returned and it is quite possibly just as bad and even escalating to possibly worse than before when on the original tablets; I’ve noticed that my mind feels scattered and my surroundings are becoming quite disorganised (again).

These past 2 days which are day 4 and day 5 on the full tablets twice a day I’ve looked around and seen that my space at work and at home are becoming cluttered, disorganised and quite messy.

I’ve also realised that it’s becoming difficult to get out of bed on time and it has been a real struggle to get to where I need to be on time; another downfall is that if I don’t take the midday tablets on time (because I have ADHD and get easily distracted) I start spacing out and feeling like I’m nodding off to sleep.

It’s becoming more obvious each day that these meds are not the right fit for me and I am anxious about telling my Psych because doing so will mean trialling the next lot of new meds which also means starting back at the beginning all over again.

Two things to consider here are that:

1) I ‘survived’ 46 years unmedicated and since starting meds 6 months ago I’ve realised how different life could have been with the correct supports, interventions and medications. Instead of surviving, I could have been thriving (and less stressed, anxious, overworked etc).

2) Every time I meet or speak with my Psychiatrist it costs me between $200 to $300 and each time I try a new medication I’m spending more money on prescribed medications. This part of my ‘treated ADHD’ journey whilst in the trial and error stages is becoming costly financially, and emotionally and is also impacting negatively on my physical mental, and emotional health.

I was in a good place until the side effects of the original meds really kicked in and now I’m really feeling the impacts of what life was like before the diagnosis and the meds.

Untreated ADHD feels like my energy is being drained, it’s causing fatigue, affecting my ability to focus and function well and the negative impacts are definitely messing with my physical, mental and emotional health.

I don’t like where I’m at and I definitely do not like how I’m feeling. I’ll be on the phone with my Psych first thing Monday morning (if I don’t get distracted or forget).

Wish me luck and if you know me and spend time with me please be kind and without being a smart ass about it if you see I’m struggling please re-direct me to where I was at or where I was going.

These are the early days and hopefully, we’ll get to where I need to be soon.

#pattysjourney #bekind #bepatient #ADHD #neurodiverse #keepingitreal