The Patty project

I’m writing this on a Sunday night; I just had a shower and was getting ready for bed when I had a thought and then realised that I hadn’t gone out all weekend.

I hadn’t grabbed my handbag and I hadn’t gotten in my car since I finished work on Friday.

I cannot remember a time in my adult life where I’ve stayed home two days in a row where I was not unwell, sick or recovering from surgery.

I’ve now been on my ADHD meds for 4 months. I had a phone consult with the prescribing psychiatrist on Thursday and we talked about changing my meds because of the clenched teeth and sore jaw (side effects). He’s worried that I’m causing damage to my teeth and asked me if I’d consider changing meds to see if it’ll make a difference but I respectfully declined.

I’m doing well; my brain is calmer, I’m not as reactive and I’m definitely not feeling as much overwhelm. Why would I risk changing meds and possibly undoing all the great things I’ve been noticing?

I’m still a little distracted and I still talk quite a lot.

When I put plans into action I’m able to focus on the one task and complete it.

I’m getting better at writing lists and checking off what’s been completed; I’m also processing my surroundings in a more subtle manner which means I’m not reacting before hearing what’s in front of me.

A perfect example of this is when my suitcase was lost during a recent overseas holiday.

I wasn’t reactive; I did what needed to be done and moved forward with completing the actions required by the lost baggage department.

Pre-meds Patty and in particular Patty from 10 years ago would’ve lost her shit.

Because my mind is calmer I’m able to process things with much more ease and I’m really allowing myself the time to take in my surroundings and I’m really, really observing (my) people’s behaviours.

I’m not feeling the desperation of needing to know everything at all the times; I remember when Eli and I first met he was very quiet and just about every 5 minutes I’d be asking him what he was thinking. I’d get frustrated that he didn’t want to talk all the time like I did. (22 year old Patty really did drive 21 year old Eli batty).

I’ now have more capacity to sit, listen and wait.

Life has changed and with my changes come the opportunities for relationships to change, grow and/or evolve.

This is growth and it is extremely welcome.

When the prescribing psychiatrist asked if I thought I was on the correct dose of meds or if I’d prefer to increase the strength I let him know that for now where I’m at is good enough.

I’m not exactly sure where this part of my journey will take me but what I do know is that right now I’m in a better place to where I was this time last year.

My current personal goals are for improved self awareness, to feel comfortable and capable within my own skin, to work smarter – not harder and to better my best.

Thank you to those who have reached out and also to those who have vulnerably shared their own experiences.

I share my experiences hoping that something here may find its way to someone who may need answers but can’t find the right questions.

Since starting this journey with ADHD meds I have shared many conversations with women in their 40’s who have or are considering getting assessed.

I hope that what I share may help you decide what you want out of an assessment and/or diagnosis. I also hope that the more we talk about these experiences the more others will begin to try and understand us without judgement (or denial).

Stay tuned. There’ll definitely be more to come.