The Patty project

Two days before the new year was to begin our household received its first positive Covid case.

By New Years Eve our household was germy and anxiety levels were extremely high.

It all happened quite fast.

On New Year’s Day I had to check out of home and check into an accommodation to ‘isolate’ in peace.

For many the word Covid sends them into a panic; for others it’s nothing much to worry about at all.

We live with one of those people who have spent the last 2+ years anxious and worried about contracting Covid so when the first ‘positive’ result was received they went into a panic and there was no way to calm them down.

The reaction and responses were quite manic and the spiral was real.

Living with anxiety has been hard enough but adding this type of anxiety (for something that can be prevented they say) was just too much for all of us to bear and I was at the receiving end of all the shit that came with it. I didn’t have the ‘luxury’ of being sick or to give my body the break it needed to rest and heal. I was thrown into the ‘protector’ and ‘saviour’ role – the one that I’d non-willingly but willingly taken on years before (IYKYN).

I wasn’t able to sleep much for 6 days; exhaustion set in quickly.

Throw in the mix a new puppy that is teething and toilet training; the other parent who was literally passed out for 96 hours, being on call for work for 7 days and then the growing anxiety of not having anywhere to be tested and/or not finding any RAT (rapid antigen test) tests and that’s was how my last couple of weeks passed by.

Thankfully we were supported by a couple of people who dropped us food and masks and luckily we had the means to order meals if and when the fresh food ran out. I hated to ask but needed to.

Today I am better than yesterday but I’m still not well.

Typically when I have a chest cold my asthma plays up and my lungs stay ‘unwell’ for a while. So right now my chest is still tight and I have a niggling, persistent cough. I haven’t worked in 3 days and I’m taking tomorrow off as well.

My brain is tired and my body is exhausted too.

I’d like to do people and conversations but I don’t think I can.

Just before the Christmas break I (selfishly) jokingly mentioned that we needed another lockdown so we can rest but I think my body took this literally and here I am today.

There’s things that need to be done, there’s people who rely on me and the guilt is creeping in but I just can’t do it or them.

Yesterday I spoke with my ‘therapist’ and I shared about how I’m feeling and the concerns I have about my current ‘wellbeing’; I’m grateful that after the phone conversation I started feeling a little ‘unblocked’ and I allowed myself to start releasing the feelings of uneasiness, guilt and discomfort.

Covid has come and gone; for those with no pre-existing health issues they are fine and back to ‘normal’ life. For said person who didn’t test positive or get any symptoms he continues to be cautious and somewhat anxious.

Me – I’m ready to move forward and hope for the best and I really, really hope that it doesn’t come back to our house because if anyone’s to get another positive test result then I’m moving out.

The End.