The Patty project

2015.

It was a big year with lots of life changing moments.

Mentally and physically I was preparing myself for weight loss surgery.

We gave up just about everything we owned and moved house.

I left a secure job.

We signed the 2 school aged kids out of school and the eldest was in her first year of Uni.

We left our comfort, our safety, our family and 2 of my children and I set off to live in Samoa.

One of our children was ill; they were suicidal.

We had tried everything to keep him alive; we had a team of specialists working with us that included a G.P, Paediatrician, Psychologist and an Adolescent Psychiatrist. Medications were often reviewed, we went into 24 hour suicide watch and to do this well I had to leave my job.

I applied for 12 months of unpaid leave and it was granted. We were a family of 5 which consisted of 2 teenagers, 1 young adult and 2 parents. 1 income for 5 was not going to suffice and the government wasn’t going to support a person who chose to leave a well paid job to sit at home so a plan needed to be put in place and that included giving up everything we had, leaving our home, moving the 2 that were staying in Sydney with Family and then us 3 staying in Samoa. (That’s a condensed version).

Why Samoa?

We had links, I was familiar with the main island and there were people and activities that could/would/did keep us busy.

I was convinced that living in Samoa would keep us well and him alive.

We all flew over in September as part of a volunteer trip and when that activity came to an end our people packed up and went back home to Sydney.

It was exciting and scary at the same time.

I am not Samoan, my kids are half.

We have very limited Samoan language skills, we had little money and I had chosen to parent 2 adolescents (1 with a mental illness & the other with ‘issues’ of their own) in an unfamiliar country with little supports or finances on my own.

We stayed for almost 4 months.

Whilst there we lived in 2 different places in 2 different villages, Lelata and Moamoa. We volunteered with SVSG (Samoa Victim Support Group) at their Campus of Hope (a service for abandoned and/or abused children) and on days that we weren’t with the Children I was at the SVSG Office in Town volunteering there planning and facilitating a domestic violence awareness and prevention project.

My two accompanied me to the Campus on particular days and they assisted with activities and/or spent time with the babies and young children whilst there. I remember after a few weeks of being active at the Campus a young girl asked why my child always looked sad; with limited Samoan (language) all I could say for her to understand me was that he was ma’i (sick). In time she got to observe him smiling, more relaxed and comfortable. 1 child came to the Office often but the other chose to stay back and rest on days that we weren’t with the children. On Wednesday nights on their Dad’s payday he’d transfer some of his pay to us and we’d go to the Cinema (for the air-conditioning) and to McDonalds as a treat. We really looked forward to these treats.

The days in Samoa were long but her slower than Sydney vibes, constantly humid weather and laidback attitude (and people) is what kept him alive and helped him get better.

By the 3 month mark we were starting to get homesick and I could feel that our time in Samoa was coming to an end. Flights were booked for Christmas Eve to arrive in Sydney on Christmas day.

We learnt a lot about ourselves, each other and Samoa during our stay.

My love affair with the island had begun well before this trip and if anything this ‘stay’ made it more intense.

Looking back their weren’t any mishaps or major challenges but in saying that if you know me then you know that I’m a strong, independent woman and I’m quite resilient and able to get us through just about anything. I’m also resourceful and well equipped enough to know what’s in store and what can or might happen before it does.

But I was tired and on return to Sydney after visiting a GP I was advised that I was severely dehydrated and somewhat malnourished. (Reminder… I had major surgery 3 months before departure and my body wasn’t coping well with the drastic changes which included the Samoan diet and the heat).

We achieved a lot whilst there, I had a kind woman at a local house front store teach me my order in Samoan – we laughed and smiled often whilst I learnt the order and visited her daily to get my egg sandwich and cup of tea.

Although I was advised to not catch the village buses I made it a thing so that I could really experience what village life was like and I’m glad that I did.

I met a taxi driver who I learnt to trust ; I’d often call him to pick up the kids from the village and bring them to me in town and if he wasn’t available he’d send us one of his trusted colleagues.

There was a cyclone during our stay and whilst one child and I stayed indoors quite anxiously awaiting for the cyclone to pass the other went out to explore and shower with soap in hand in the rain like the locals did.

We got used to showering with only cold water which at first was quite challenging in particular because our bodies were quite warm and sticky due to the humidity and heat but we did miss hot showers and the comforts of ‘home’.

What’s a trip to Samoa without food poisoning?

As mentioned – we were living on next to nothing in terms of finances so our ‘diets’ consisted of what we could afford and if you know Apia then you know that Pinati’s has one of the most affordable meal options for the locals and tourists who’d like to try ‘authentic’ Samoan cuisine at a budget price.

Oh My!

My poor child could be heard whimpering from the bathroom and was convinced he was going to die!

We really did try to ‘integrate’ with the community. We learnt a lot about ourselves, each other, the culture and Samoa. Living there was a valuable experience and as planned it kept us and him going for an extra 4 months. His mental health improved drastically but he wasn’t ‘cured’. The 3 of us grew and the memories of our experiences I’m sure will be with us forever.

A few months after returning we were back in our own house, I was back at work and the 5 of us were together again. He was coping much better and did so until his first major relapse approximately 12 months later – I believe that the relapse was necessary to once again move further along to where we are today – and that information will definitely be shared in an upcoming blog/post.

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