The Patty project

April 2021 I celebrated my 45th birthday (week) by going on a road trip from Sydney to Melbourne. It was just the 2 of us and we set out on a Monday morning and I made sure that we stopped at as many small towns as possible on the way there and back.

One of the towns we stopped at was Bodalla where we popped in for a milkshake and to stretch our legs. Whilst sitting in the sun and taking in my surroundings I saw a stretched out sunflower reaching for the sun; it was the only one and stood out amongst the other plants and flowers . I walked over to it to take a closer look and there was a bee busily doing what bees do and it looked so pretty. I’ve had a fascination with sunflowers for more than half my life and I consider them be a happy flower so I took a photo as a keepsake before moving on for the rest of our drive.

On the 25th of November 2021 I messaged our tattooist asking for an appointment because I had finally decided on my next tattoo. I sent him a photo of the sunflower from Bodalla and let him know that this was the design I’d like on my shoulder next to the lotus he had completed in September 2020.

The lotus tattoo was one that I had planned during the cancer journey and I told myself that I’d get it done once all the surgeries were finished and the healing was complete.

I knew I’d be getting another tattoo in the near future but I didn’t know what it would be or when it would be until November.

Yesterday I sat with my tattooist and he drew up the design and we started it in the late afternoon. I’ve known our tattoo artist for approximately 15 years so we talked about our families, our networks, our interests and anything that came to mind. He mentioned that I was taking the pain much better than the last tattoo and asked if I’d applied any numbing cream which I hadn’t. He also mentioned that with the last tattoo I was quite fidgety and he thought that I wouldn’t finish it because I was so uncomfortable. I was surprised that he mentioned this during this sitting because I had no idea at that time in September 2020.

And this is the moment that I chose to reflect on.

My lotus tattoo signifies resilience, strength and growth. 12 months after the cancer I thought that I was in a much better place mentally and physically. I was ready to take on the world. I’d done a lot of work on my mind and I spent a lot of time working on healing.

Yesterday when I sat and told him that I was ready for the sunflower and he mentioned how still I was and how well I was taking the pain I shared how mentally balanced I was feeling and how the extra 14 months of self-work and further healing has changed me.

My self-work, my healing may be life long. I have enough self awareness to know about triggers and how I choose to respond to them determines my outcomes. I also know that there may be times where I may not be in the best place mentally and/or physically to be aware of my triggers and I’m learning to be ok with that.

The sunflower.

Known as the happy flower and how I always thought of them when seeing one.

Approximately 24 months ago I sat with a therapist and told her that I didn’t think I’d ever be truly happy.

Today.

I have a lot to be happy for; I am no longer stuck and my sunflower tattoo came along at the most perfect time.

#PattysJourney