The Patty project

Yesterday I went to my mechanic to complete a rego check for my car; it ended up needing 4 new tyres.

Today I called my insurance company and shyly asked if they could provide me with information on what different covers I currently hold. The phone operator asked me lots of questions and I needed to update address information etc. I felt embarrassed because there was a lot of insurance information that I couldn’t remember or didn’t know.

I sheepishly apologised and shared with her that last year I was quite ill and there’s a lot that was done but I can’t remember the finer details.

For example I know I took out income protection insurance, paid the rego’s on the cars and also got turned away for life insurance because of my diagnosis but I forgot who we had windscreen insurance with and if it was still active.

This got me thinking and reflecting on what the past 13 months were really like.

I seriously thought I’d go into this year ‘cancer free’….

Yes, I am cancer free but what I mean to say is that I thought my life would no longer be impacted from the days when I was so unwell.

During that year of being physically unwell I was also mentally unwell.

My moods, thinking and behaviours were different to what they were before diagnosis and treatment.

I obviously kept on going…

I eventually got back to work, did the day to day but I did them in a way that I can only describe as doing in ‘survival mode’.

Today I sat on my own and took a moment for that reflection; the past 14 days have been the first ‘holidays’ I’ve had since diagnosis.

All the days I had off work in the past 13 months involved medical appointments or hospital admissions.

I had 2 months off work but I sat unwell in my home and most days it was too hard to rest or relax because of the discomfort.

It was not a holiday of any sort.

Today I’m completing some job requirements for a new position I’ll begin in 10 days time; whilst doing so I realised how grateful I am to have been given these past 2 weeks to just go about life and simply do as I please.

I’ve started going on long walks, I’ve gone window shopping – made spontaneous purchases, caught up with friends, watched a couple of different series on Netflix, gone on short trips and in 2 days time I’m heading off on a 5 day road trip.

I’m happy.

I finally feel free and unburdened by my physical and mental health.

I am grateful.

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