The Patty project

This time last year I walked out of the day surgery waiting room straight to our car and told Eli I was diagnosed with cancer.
For a minute or so there was silence and then we went on with life knowing about my new diagnosis with an uncertainty that would linger for almost 3 months.
We sat with the news and the unknown until my first surgery and hospital stay and he sat with me by my side religiously regardless of the hours he worked, how tired he was or whatever other obstacles may have tried to get in his way.
For many, many months he literally did it on his own; for once I couldn’t support him because he needed to support me in every way possible.
I look back and reflect and I know he’ll say it was all good, he was fine and that he didn’t need anybody else but I can’t help remembering how alone he really was and it saddens me.
He worked, he ran the household, he supported challenging behaviours, he did the groceries and then he’d sit by my side helping me to get back on track.
If you know someone who is supporting someone with an illness that may be life altering or threatening and you’ve got the ability to do something to make their life a little easier then please do it.
A text or a DM is ok but what may be more helpful is a phone call, a visit – cook them a meal so they get an extra hour or so to be where they have to be and so they get to eat something nice that isn’t rushed. Invite them out for a coffee or take a walk with them – don’t leave them alone because you don’t know what to say or do.
The big one is – don’t make their life changing news/diagnosis/event about you.
This one time, this major life changing event is about them and during difficult times is when a village needs to surround and embrace their loved one.
For some it comes natural but you wouldn’t believe how alone we had been through one of the hardest times of our lives.